Positive Minds is a Universal Appeal!

Focus on the Family

Let's Get Aquainted

It's never too late!

It has taken many years for me to get this point in my life. I couldn't pinpoint the exact time but I always felt the urge to write about some of those experiences, you know, the ones that make you rethink your position and where you really want to be.

After losing my brother tragically, living through the experience of this grief, and also making bad choices and decisions which affected every aspect of life, I began to write in my journal. I became a recluse in my own head, a dark shadow of who I thought I had been which made me push everyone in my life away. I lost my joy, my peace, my desire to be here on this planet. I had feelings of abandonment, rejection, and shame. As I wrote, I dove deeply into these feelings I had, of “not feeling normal”, always. I realized, I've always had these feelings, even as a child.

Somehow I knew, that, was neither who I am nor who I’m supposed to be. That was not me. I am a pillar of strength, I find solutions to problems, I am a harbor for those who needed to rest and a peacekeeper! Was I going to shrivel up and die like a clipped rose from the garden of life or was I going to shine like a piece of coal pressed and squeezed into a diamond? (Yeah, ok, a little dramatic maybe) I realized that I needed to CHANGE MY MIND if I wanted to CHANGE MY LIFE. It took me time to open my TRUE SELF, to look within and chose to seek answers. I learned how to pray, and meditate, how to ask for guidance, and most importantly, listen for the answers. I fasted and prayed some more. I learned to forgive those who did not deserve to be forgiven and to forgive myself, also. I learned how to make a plan for my future and make things happen. My mother always said, "Where there's a will there's a way." Believe in yourself and you can make things happen. This process did not happen overnight, it took time to develop discipline, consistency and a real visual for personal growth.

As a visitor here, you are part of a fantastic community. By sharing this with you, I feel that I am not alone in this world. There is someone out there that hears me. I love to hear what your thoughts are. It gives me a better understanding of how you dealt with feelings of despair and gives me the courage to share more life stories. If you need prayer please email me your request.

Thank you so much for being part of this community. There are plenty of ways that you can become more involved. If you'd like to help with prayers for others in this community, please send your email address with Prayer Warrior on the subject line with a quick note. We’ll schedule a prayer chain for those in need. I'm developing other ways to be involved in this journey, sit tight and remember, you are an AMAZING YOU ALWAYS!

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Growing Up With My Munchkins

Never A Dull Moment

Jessica was always independent even as a toddler when I wanted to feed her she would tell me “no, mommm, me!” I didn’t discourage her, even though; most of the food would end up on her bib. Jessica was my farmer helping in the garden, while I planted, she dug up earthworms and made a worm farm in a flower pot and by the next day they were all gone. Janine has always been my shadow never wanting to be a few feet from me or where she couldn’t see me. They grew up quite differently 18 months apart and complete opposites. Janine nursed usually in the morning at snuggle time and at night just to relax her and put her to bed until she publicly asked for me to nurse her, I then weaned her she was almost 2 years old. My experience of living in the country, one day just flows into the next and the next day, time goes by and being a mom I just didn’t take notice of it. We went to church usually twice a week on Wednesday and Sundays. I helped the church with Sunday school for the 4 to 5 yr olds, which I really enjoyed asides from being a mother it gave me some purpose. I was the director for the Passion of Christ at our church; I have to admit it was a very well put together play. Church members playing the characters, the music, and sounds, a life-size cross our Jesus carried and the strobe lights as he ascended to heaven was heart-wrenching. The play was incredible, so real, the church members cried, I cried, a moment never is forgotten. When we moved to Miami we continued to go to a different church but it was never the same. I didn’t feel part of the church body. It may have been me, I was changing. I wished my imaginary life of ‘hostess with the mostess’, ‘Mrs. Cleaver’, had been real. My babies grew and as they did I also grew with them. They brought out in me the humor I had experienced with my siblings. Janine and her drawing of a Rooster named Roster, Jessica with her passion for lip syncing techniques which included of course prancing and flipping her hair. They both loved animals and enjoyed going to any ranch to ride the horses. We would take the boat out past Elliot Key onto the reefs and snorkel, usually Janine and Shadow our black poodle were the first ones in the water; Janine had mild seasickness and it would help to refresh her. We’d spend most sunny weekends on the boat. On one occasion, Eric my brother went with us, Roger had brought out the spear guns, their intention was to spear some fish. They swam away from the anchored boat, the waters were a little choppy but not too bad and as usual, Janine went in and Jessica with her, they put on their fins and snorkel and mask and held on to the rope we attached to the boat for their security. They both wanted me to jump in with them and as I put my masked face in the water I saw two shadows swimming underneath us coming closer towards the boat and my Wonder Woman instincts kicked in as I lifted each girl up out of the water by their bottoms and onto the boat. I quickly scrambled onto the stairs and was yelling at my brother and Roger from the boat, alerting them of these huge barracudas one being longer than my 8-year-old child. I was so anxious for them to get back, I forgot to remove my snorkel, and the only noise that came out was muffled through the tube. As they calmly swam back Roger popped his out and said, “I was hoping you didn’t see them”, needless to say, I was furious. Even though, I understood why he said that knowing that the splashing would have attracted them to us even more, I was still fuming. Eric just laughed. I had started working, when the girls were 4 and 5 years old they went to a daycare, Jessica in kindergarten and Janine was in pre-kindergarten. After school, since they had been going to daycare Jessica and Janine would be picked up their babysitter, Hortensia, she became their second mom and her daughter Arlyn became a permanent fixture in our home, they grew together as close as sisters. Hortensia became a great friend to me, looking at things through a different perspective and always giving me loving advice, getting me through life issues. I put the girls in modeling school and dance, and whenever I could I would include Arlyn, they continued to grow and flourish. I had some rules in our home. 1. Was to wash whatever t utensils and plates they used before I got home. 2. Was that if they wanted to go out they needed to sweep and wash the floor on Fridays. That consisted of a small kitchen, with a long hallway that extended to the doorway. That reminds of a certain Friday when the girls wanted to go to the movie theater, they knew the rules they called me at work and asked if I would take them. I of course asked, Are the dishes done and is the floor swept and washed. They promised to have it done before I got home. Oh boy! After the girls washed the dishes they decided to sweep and then wash the floor with soapy water and proceeded to develop a slip and slide on the tile floor from the kitchen to the door. One by one slip and slide, they were having a blast until the door opened and lo and behold Daddy had arrived, Jessica mid-slide couldn’t stop tried to grab herself on the stairs and busted her butt on the floor, everyone scampered and took off as fast as they could. They all knew daddy didn’t play! We moved to the Gables then to West Miami when I was separated with Roger, but still, we kept close contact with Hortensia and Arlyn. Soon enough, Arlyn spent more and more days with us, she has always been a great girl, helping me and keeping the laughter going in our home. Arlyn eventually moved in with us temporarily, for the rest of summer to help her parents get their finances fixed. As the girls brought home friends, the group grew. We lived close to work close to school and close to new friends made. I loved the neighborhood it was safe and quiet. Jessica was riding her bike one day and tripped up on the gravel and hurt her knee. She had blood running down her shin and onto the floor it looked as if she had a huge gash, as she came towards us, my friend, Sissy who could not stand the sight of blood passed out cold on the couch. Cleaning up her leg and softly tapping the blood from her knee we discovered that all the blood was from a tiny cut. What a show! New place, more rules, I was the MOM I could do that! If you want to go to the beach or go out, you need to wash my car. So out of the house with bathing suits, soap and rags they would go. Arlyn in my favorite American Flag bikini bathing suit, girls and soap slip and slide from the roof of the station wagon to the hood and off! I could hear them from the kitchen at the back of the house. Then the squealing and laughing stopped and I knew something happened. Here we go again, then began the ... I’m sorry, please don’t be mad, we didn’t mean to mommy…and on and on with ooo you’re gonna get it! Then the explanation came, “Look, mommy, we were washing the car and, it was soapy and Janine slipped down and then Jessica and then when I went, the broken antenna caught on your bathing suit bottom, mommy and it ripped, I’m sorry mommy!” I shrugged my shoulders and put my hands up in the air. “What could I do”… I said, “Oh well! I have others”, and she replied, “but that was your favorite”, “Don’t worry”. Under my breath I was saying, thank God nothing else broke…What were they thinking? Beach days, I always had to be on the lookout for my girls. Jessica and Arlyn didn’t look their age, they were developing young ladies and the boys at the beach assumed they must be older. I tried to always plant myself, the beach towels, cooler and all our personal bags next to the lifeguard booth. The girls would go for walks and end up being followed and harassed by older boys. Until they reached my beach towel, where I would inform them that if they did not leave the area where we were, that I was going to take action and have the lifeguard call the police. At that time only a few people had cell phones and they were the size of a thermos bottle. For Jessica’s 13th birthday we emptied the living room and dining area of all the furniture. Rented a DJ for the kids to dance and have fun. I’m not even sure how many kids came but it was a house full even her cousins were there that night. When the whole gang would come over to stay for the night, we would place the mattresses on the floor and they would call it their wall to wall bed. I loved to take pictures of them like if they were modeling, I would do individual pictures then their group shots, I would say, "OK, faces" and then took pictures of my kids together. It wasn’t cheap to get them processed, so I made them pose and made them stay still, then one would move and I’d have to take another shot. What a mission. They kept me going all the time, they kept me laughing too! As they grew up, I grew also!